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Lesson being…a few months in prison isn’t exactally the kind of thing that will leverage someone who’s ALREADY BEEN to prison…let alone one keeping his trap shut for a multi-millionaire deranged enough to film a reality show about himself during all this.
Michael Jackson moved to somewhere far away…one of the long tenured frieks on TV had to step up.
Posted by Al Swearengen as sports at 8:42 PM GMT+4
In a mere half hour, the best pitcher I’ve ever seen will take the mound for the Mets. Amazing evening – regardless of what happens – as every time I get to see Pedro in a game is a blessing.
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 6:34 PM GMT+4
The best of human existance is what they’re after, and the task is one that takes art and churns it into butter…not for us though, the readers. Lists attract us like moths to a flame…very true, and this is a good list by my estimation. Read the rest of this entry
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 7:57 PM GMT+4
This no comments thing is really killing me…just busted out an impromptu response to the 700 Club thread, in character, probably better than the original, clicked on submit…lost forever. What the hell is this all about? Is Joseph Smith telling me to gather several wives and open a department store?
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 8:47 PM GMT+4
Simplistic anti-logic has fueled much of the talk from Republicans on the floors of the house and senate this past week, offering Americans the perspective that reads:
If you’re talking about a withdrawal plan, you’re a coward. Open-ended deployment equals courage and toughness, while talk about anything other than the status quo equals ‘cut and run’. Think about these ‘cut and run’ Democrats back in WW2, and if they had their way, we’d be speaking German today!
A point of view that Joe-Six-Pack is even smart enough to understand. Excellent – until it came out that General Casey is proposing a troop withdrawal plan, one that the White House was forced to confirm, uh…
So General Casey is a coward? He’s proposing a reduction in troop levels in Iraq, and if you do that, you’re on the ‘cut and run’ side of the debate. If the shoe fits…
Just remember what political party DIDN’T set up a straw man that managed to allign General Casey with a batch of cowards…I don’t remember Democrats setting up that type of anti-logic. Indeed, the ‘Karl Rove Experience’ hasn’t put out a new song in quite a while now. Just the same ‘classics’, city after city…
Simply match up the words of Republicans at all levels of the federal government last week, with this proposal submitted by General Casey, and reality further exposes itself as the #1 enemy of Republicans leading up to the mid-term elections. A mere two years after it worked the last time, suddenly a 20-minute extended version of ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ doesn’t pack the house like it used to.
Bad luck for the band, perhaps good luck for the troops relying on YOU AND I to vote in favor of sparing their lives. As of right now, the General in charge of the troops agrees with a drawdown, so all we have to do is vote out the Republicans who refuse to let them come home.
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 7:38 PM GMT+4
Pat: There’s no question…that the rain today in the northeast region of the nation, the home of New-YOrk CITy, the breeding ground of sin, and Massachusetts with their judiciary willing to risk the lives of CHRISTIANS EVERYWHERE by spitting into the face of God, then expressing NO remorse. And that’s why a thinking man understands full well that a gay-PRIDE PAR-ade experiencing some weather difficulties, may in fact be acquainting themselves with the oblivion their choices have steered them towards. I hear the Axe Body Spray advertisements have stirred up batches of homosexual fever across parts of Kansas and…
Bimbo: Which reminds me that for the next couple days we’ll be offering a half point plus worship minutes for every new subscriber referred in the month of July.
Pat: Yea, and what this means is, instead of getting the full point and really…NOTHING else to show for your donation to the Lord’s Work…heh
Bimbo: Doesn’t sound like a good deal to me, only one and none of the other!
Pat: That’s right, and so we realized that we just had to do MORE for EACH of you out there, busy working for the sake of humanity, and let’s pass that burden around, let’s SHARE it…
Posted by Al Swearengen as Religion, Words at 12:00 AM GMT+4
Not for the reasons you’ve all got on your mind…but because I can’t post comments on MY OWN BLOG! Everytime I try, the writing just disappears and the page refreshes. This is embarrasing, but not nearly as embarrasing as the time I was arrested for exposing my nipples and crude sence of humor to Barbara Bush in New Hampshire. Surely THIS won’t make the newspapers, or earn me any death threats from horny Civil War vets…
Hopefully a solution is soon to come…because I’ve got (read in Jerry Stiller’s voice) A LOT OF THINGS TO SAY TO YOU PEOPLE!!!! Frodo – Right – consider yourselves LUCKY!!!!
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 11:07 PM GMT+4
This is probably the best CSPAN I’ve seen all year. The estimate from Democrats is the repeal would cost over $700 billion over 10 years, the estimate from Republicans is around $250 billion. Democrats are pointing out that all this lost revenue will be borrowed from China and other countries, and Republicans haven’t addressed that point once in an hour so far. Rangel (D-NY) stated that it doesn’t matter to Republicans whether or not they retain the majority, that it doesn’t matter to Republicans whether the current bill will only affect 7500 people, but instead that this is merely another step in a long effort to erase FDR’s legacy, to starve the government so that future Congresses have no money to work with. It’s no secret that this strategy is at play here, having been documented again and again (Grover Norquist comes to mind).
The worst thing that ever happened to this idea of theirs was the ballanced budgets of the 90s. Proof that it can be done! It happened! We all saw it, we all saw both sides of the aisle come together and celebrate the accomplishment. Well, that was unacceptable to those who call the shots today, and so the fiscal policy of our government these past six years has been to open the door to looters, waste as much money as possible, then “light a match” (think of the restaurant in ‘Goodfellas’). Burn the house down, then simply walk away.
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 2:43 PM GMT+4
Landslide victory – you heard it here first.
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 10:28 PM GMT+4
Going to break out of my dark routine for a day on the blog, and let the geek surface for a while. Like with stocks, politics, sports and music, I’ve got a chip on my shoulder that drives me towards figuring out how stupid we humans truly are, especially in terms of the crap we blow money on. Went to see my doctor today and everything’s fine, but I wanted to run something by him about suppliments and vitamins. Having known for a while (mostly from having done Atkins a while back for about six months) that most of the nutrients we consume get eliminated through urination, it’s always baffled me how millions of us blow money on pills we buy in the store. Not me – I’m a skeptical bastard, and that money needs to go towards maintaining my alcoholism and crack addiction.
That said, it does seem like as I get older, the fear of dying before retirement has become a much more prominent factor in my dreaming, REM sleep or otherwise. The people I see walking around this country, the flab, all the news reports about diabetics and folks being removed from their house by equipment sold by Caterpillar…like the mother from ‘What’s Eating Gilbert Grape’…I’ll never get that bad, but when these kids start talking back, who knows? Maybe that’s when people start pounding Skittles and sneaking off to McDonalds every day.
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 4:04 PM GMT+4
The cocksucker extends an invitation to your’s truly, says something about his ability to keep his eyes focused on what’s important, nevermind the line of chum, nevermind the gruesome worries of each day, mayhem, murder and the like, and come on over to my joint for an evening’s worth of democracy, gaze upon and appreciate the drama as it unfolds directly beneath us, for want of a better venue or reason to take up each other’s time, why not a moment of history, and why not I and the fucking lion tamer take a break from our various gambits against one another, simply take in the scene from a vantage point appropriate…considering our respective roles as puppeteers, why not let the fucking hoople-heads take a look at it all, democracy and the like, see if any of them figure something out, perhaps notice the strings connecting performer to puppeteer, perhaps even catch a whiff of their own future as they figure this out, and how much it resembles the aroma of chink-alley when the sun hits it just right…
Or so I thought. Nevermind that I’d no sooner trust anyone than that tycoon dancing up a hailstorm of misery, like everywhere he’s been, with that bullshit affability and a tired explaination of ‘my only passion is the color’…whether explaining himself to a reporter working on another biography, or taking a piss on the pile of Cornish his accounts demanded as sacrifice on a given day…I let my guard down and so, Captain Turner is currently attaching my finger to his belt. Round two is over. I’m just getting started…
(Deadwood Season 3 – written minutes after seeing episode 2)
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 10:18 PM GMT+4
I think he was from the gas company. Got him in the basement right now, his pulse is still pulsing, but not for long. Keeps yelling about how he’s got kids…I correct him, said he should have paid better attention in Latin class, because he’s got his past, present and future tenses all mixed up.
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 10:26 AM GMT+4
While I’m not that much into the US Open, I have anticipated a day of ease up till now, a day where daddy certainly does know best…or at least he’s provided the illusion that he does. It’s a myth…I don’t know how many of my fellow fathers out there had their day planned out for them in advance, but I hope I’m the only one. It’s 95 degrees outside, sticky humidity, nothing good on TV, and rumor has it that in an hour or so I’m going to be responsible for packing up the kids and getting them to a family gathering.
Fuck That! It’s not going to happen – nor should it. I don’t know how they celebrated father’s day before I showed up…but it sure does seem like fathers had little say in it. That changes today. Catch some flack? I’m sure I will, but wouldn’t that be a monumental irony, busted for pretending that since I’m a father, ‘Father’s Day’ would have something to do with what I wanted. I know, I’m being a baby, I need to grow up…whatever. At least one other father who’s going to this event today, I know for a fact, would rather not…my gut tells me that every other one feels the same way, but to talk freely about such things would most likely result in a lack of sex, or a lack of sanity when the non-fathers refuse to stop flapping their gums over it.
Well, I made it through basic traning in Missouri in heat worse than this – I think I’ve got the stuff to weather this storm. Before combat ensues, let me point out that I honestly think the way to truly enjoy Father’s Day is to just go along with it and make everyone else happy…that’s what being in a ‘relationship’ is all about I suppose. Achieving peace and happiness through muted endurance of something that you think will be over at some point…in the evening perhaps, when the NBA finally decides to play game five…or maybe it’s sometime between dinner and Father’s Day next year…vagina-willing.
(30 minutes later) Flack? Oh – INDEED – but what happens if I just throw on a smile and put up with the program? Like all programs in American life, conceived by women who then inform the men, it would grow more elaborate and intrusive with each passing year, until finally ‘Father’s Day’ becomes a day when daddy watches the kids all day while the wives congregate in day spas, sipping some bubbly, laughing their asses off.
NO MA’AM! The Bundy legend lives on.
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 5:05 PM GMT+4
“I can’t help but feel through eyes of a combat-wounded Marine in Vietnam, if someone was shot, you tried to save his life. . . . While you were in combat, you had a sense of urgency to end the slaughter, and around here we don’t have that sense of urgency,”
said Rep. Wayne T. Gilchrest (Md.), a usually soft-spoken Republican who has urged his leaders to challenge the White House on Iraq.
“To me, the administration does not act like there’s a war going on. The Congress certainly doesn’t act like there’s a war going on. If you’re raising money to keep the majority, if you’re thinking about gay marriage, if you’re doing all this other peripheral stuff, what does that say to the guy who’s about ready to drive over a land mine?”
How about that! Reminds me of that song…”sanity never came my way, sanity never came my way, don’t know what I’ll do today…” are some of the hacks feeling frisky? I suppose they are, but the thought never escapes my mind, the scary notion that to millions, such a statement exists on a level below ‘children’s cartoon’. I can hear it now – “What the hell is he talking about?” – perhaps the pot gets stirred and everyone is in agreement that the man must be executed for treason.
Roll your eyes if you want to – I’ve actually seen it. All kinds of inputs saying the same thing over and over, calling around town for a 14 dollar 30-pack of beer, no preference, just as long as it says ‘beer’ somewhere on the can. A ferocious devotion to indifference, not blurred a smidgen by anything other than the 5′1″ Japanesse stripper sent over after another order was made for a 5′9″ Blonde…it just happens, again and again to these guys.
In the grand scheme such things are trivial, a speck of nothing, indeed…now, if you want to talk about something about to crush the economy, suck up our resources, cause an outbreak of ‘fire rain’ in Arizona, the only things that really matter in terms of this legislative year are to shame queers and queer sympathizers, once and for all put the flag burning issue to rest, get to the bottom of the steroid issue, finally determining who will be responsible for calling who on the emergency alert tree (should opposite parties be forced to assist the enemy?)
It’s sad, but widely known that 25% of US congress members can’t opperate their own phone in an emergency. A very old DC joke goes something like, ‘who’d you rather have to rely on in a life or death situation? A politician or a queer nigra woman with only one leg and 4 fingers?’ Studies have been performed on peoples’ response to that question over decades, and oddly enough, the number one response over all these years by a wide margin has been, ‘are the four fingers on one hand, or two each?’
Clearly, none of these people were lobbyists…but that doesn’t make them irrelevant. Sure, they can get the sized and shaped stripper promised, nice spread of food, poker, hepatitis - and for those Sopranos fiends – David Lee Roth and Lawrence Taylor will sit in for a couple hundred hands, tell stories about how many hundreds of thousands of women they slept with in their prime, you’ll be reminded of the fact that they’re both millionaires and you’re not. Good, wholesome fun. Just like this ’skirmish’ in Iraq…
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 3:25 AM GMT+4
More plagarism from Ann Coulter – Rude Pundit is on it, from chapter one of her new book:
Here’s Coulter from Chapter 1 of Godless: The massive Dickey-Lincoln Dam, a $227 million hydroelectric project proposed on upper St. John River in Maine, was halted by the discovery of the Furbish lousewort, a plant previously believed to be extinct.
Here’s the Portland Press Herald, from the year 2000, in its list of the “Maine Stories of the Century”: The massive Dickey-Lincoln Dam, a $227 million hydroelectric project proposed on upper St. John River, is halted by the discovery of the Furbish lousewort, a plant believed to be extinct.
Strangely similar, no? By the way, that’s a story from 1976. Coulter doesn’t tell you that little tidbit, making you think it happened last week. The next one’s from 1977:
I posted on this a while back, after the previous examples of her doing a cut and paste job were discovered. So she’s a fraud, yet ends up on TV all the time…I still can’t get what Bill Maher sees in her. My guess is he’s seen her without inhibitions or clothes on a few occasions. Maybe she performed a triple lindy on him or something.
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 11:31 PM GMT+4
My favorite parts:
Also globalization, e-mail, cell phones interconnect our nations like never before. It is possible for even the most insulated American to have friends from all over the world. For instance, I recently received an e-mail asking me to help a deposed Nigerian prince who is looking for a business partner to recuperate his fortune. Thanks to the flexibility of global banking, a Swiss bank account is ready and waiting for my share of his money. I know, because I just e-mailed him my Social Security number…
There are so many challenges facing this next generation, and as they said earlier, you are up for these challenges. And I agree, except that I don’t think you are. I don’t know if you’re tough enough to handle this. You are the most cuddled generation in history. I belong to the last generation that did not have to be in a car seat. You had to be in car seats. I did not have to wear a helmet when I rode my bike. You do. You have to wear helmets when you go swimming, right? In case you bump your head against the side of the pool. Oh, by the way, I should have said, my speech today may contain some peanut products…
Well, you are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what’s going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say “yes.” And if you’re lucky, you’ll find people who will say “yes” back.
Now will saying “yes” get you in trouble at times? Will saying “yes” lead you to doing some foolish things? Yes it will. But don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes.”
2006 Commencement Address Stephen Colbert, June 3, 2006
[Pours water into a glass at the podium, splashes face and back of neck]
Thank you. Thank you very much. Read the rest of this entry
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 9:45 PM GMT+4
MANY of the professionals I come across in the field have had much to say about Frank throughout the years, and almost all of it has been negative. You’ll notice that his actual face won’t show up for a couple of years, and then BAM! He’s saving the queen of England at a baseball game.
Much of the ‘legal muscle’ around parts of America that are still relevant would like to have Frank’s head on a pole on the outside of their offices. In fact, the man had to go into hiding outside of the US, just to have the ability to operate in any relevant capacity. So the money handed down, from just about every criminal on earth with a billion dollars or more to protect, to assassins from 30 different countries…in a word, WASTED!
You can’t catch this guy, and for reasons I hope to never understand, the one thing nobody can ever dispute when it comes to this heroic American is the fact that Frank Drebon GETS THINGS DONE!
Unorthadox, sure. Dangerous, absolutely. Effective? You bet your ass he is…and while he’s being shuttled off to Siberia (don’t tell anyone) following this last successful operation in Iraq, I can only hope that the ‘powers that be’ can finally come to realize that when it comes to saving this country from terrorism, Frank’s the best chance we’ve got!
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 8:51 PM GMT+4
“U.S.A!!! U.S.A!!! U.S.A!!!“ - Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Posted by Al Swearengen as Military at 11:20 PM GMT+4
War? What are you talking about? Budget? Who told you the military’s operational budget hasn’t been approved yet for the current year? Do you honestly think the Senate would put that aside with a war in full gear? Wait, there is no war…so why is this ‘military’ in need of money so bad anyway? Relax, it’s the right thing and you know it. Just sit back, close your eyes and listen to that sweet sound of efficiency as it literally pours out of Washington DC this week like a symphony (from outer space).
Yes, it is that time of the election cycle again, where years ago what used to be a political diatribe on how it’ll be a cold day in hell before “nigras will ever share THIS white man’s toilet, or any of the toilets I represent back home for that matter”, now we’ve got a wedge issue involving part of our society wanting to make life more difficult for a certain group of fellow citizens, and wouldn’t you know the strategy here has the South written all over it. Read the rest of this entry
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 11:39 AM GMT+4
My two personal favorites out of the newest my brother has sent. The one with him sleeping is incredible!
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 11:37 PM GMT+4
