Anesthetic is administered to the patient in an innovative, cost-sensitive manner that respects the sanctity of his/her religious beliefs (aversion in the Muslim faith to alcohol/drug use). This is carried out by corrections officers, who place the patient in a chair, customized with an elaborate system of straps used to restrain the patient’s head, shoulders, arms, abdomen, legs and ankles. Following the anesthetic is a routine medical procedure practiced throughout the world every day. A flexible plastic tube is inserted into the patient’s nose, down past the throat and esophagus and into the stomach. during this phase the anestetic may begin to wear off as the patient reacts to the procedure, and at this time should be re-administered as necessary by corrections officers by tightening whatever strap has appeared to have loosened. Of course this should not be perceived as the result of a poor job having been done initially, as the tube procedure will at times provoke a release of testosterone allowing the patient to experience brief spurts of enormous strength, often combined with a simple, misguided emotional reaction steming from a metaphorical connection of some kind between insertion of the tube and a criminal sexual act understood most often as one involving a victim and one or perhaps several attackers. As foolish as this association certainly is, one must never doubt the capacity of a sick, primitive mind to draw such conclusions. In this case the patient confuses an effort to save his/her life within an attacker/victim construct, merely due to the essential delivery by force of a foreign object into an orifice. The medical staff’s job is not to attempt reasoning around the patient’s warped sense of reality, but to instead carry out the rest of the procedure in a calm, professional manner. Anesthetic now strong once again, it is now time to deliver through the tube, life saving nourishment, deposited within the patient’s stomach, enough to ensure survival, though overhead costs should not factor into the amount of food used.
NOTE: Intelligence officers do have the authority to determine the amount of food delivered as well as the feeding tube’s thickness. It is unacceptable to challenge this authority, and by doing so it can and will result in immediate termination and/or prosecution.
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 3:42 PM GMT+4
10 Comments »
Following the lead of Harvard, Princeton and other schools of higher learning, George Wallace will now also be cancelling their early admissions program, citing as others have, the amount of undue pressure being put on students to over achieve at the expense of their current educational challenges. Though not everyone is pleased about this change in policy. Zed Miller, an aspiring hog farmer from Henagar had been planning to “git my application in dere ‘fo it be time to haul slurry down ta-da crick at night, but dey stomp ou-at dream din-ey?” Planning to retake the GED exam in a week, now he’s not sure if “rushin” makes sense anymore. “What I gonna jump to hoots fo now if they’s done fixinna wait till later on anyhow? I’z better to study what’s goin on night time wit this slurry fo now, stedda gittin caught up wit dat mess.”
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 1:16 PM GMT+4
No Comments »
A little while before this last season started they were filming scenes in Chicopee, MA – about 15 minutes from where I live, and where I’m actually going to for an appointment tomorrow. The actor that plays Vito says in an interview on set that, “my character Vito is driving to somewhere and gets lost in Chicopee.” Read the rest of this entry
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 11:56 PM GMT+4
1 Comment »
Vanity Fair keeps hounding me for pictures of Cleo, for their next cover…I sent them this list of links and told them to find what they wanted on their own. She’s got an agent now, so suddenly I’m being handed a supponea to appear in court over some bullshit building code involving the litter…it’s getting out of hand…now I know how Garry Coleman’s folks felt!
Fellow friends of the felines: Black Dog (ironic) – Dusty
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 12:59 AM GMT+4
13 Comments »
The entire thing is under the fold – a blockbuster, hell of a read, probably will be the first time in my entire life I look forward to waking up on Sunday for a program on this channel…the setup: Chris Wallace has him on and apparantly the arrangement prior to the interview was that half of it would be spent talking about Clinton’s fundraising…looks like question three is where he attempts to sandbag the former President with “Why didn’t you do more to get Bin Laden?”…from there it’s an instructional video on ”How to be a Democrat and not look like a pussy every time you’re on national television”. Boy does he lay it out there too. Take a look!
Read the rest of this entry
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 1:34 AM GMT+4
20 Comments »
I told myself I wasn’t going to bore all of you with the details of what’s bugging me Read the rest of this entry
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 5:00 PM GMT+4
17 Comments »
While I’m not a big fan of John McCain, I have always been impressed by John Warner…Lindsey Graham was a fellow I’d seen a lot from in some instances, but overall I’d have been reluctant to call myself a fan of his, although I have written positively on him in the past. Lawyers are difficult creatures to trust in the first place, and since a great number of Senators happen to share this attribute, it’s sometimes difficult to hear their voice for even a minute without instinctively checking to make sure your wallet is still in your back pocket, which is doubly strange considering their voice is inside a radio or television. A few times during the questioning of AG Gonzalez though, it was very easy to sense a great difference between Graham and one of his more empty-suit colleagues like Orin Hatch, as he wouldn’t simply pretend that he was addressing a talk radio convention, but actually play the role of a Senator with something at stake, and sometimes it would even come across as if what was at stake had more to do with the republic than himself.
Yesterday I was blown away by Senator Graham when he was asked by the wrinkled talking head about whether or not there was concern over how his constituency would respond to his positions. Those being that in order for this country to retain the high ground as well as the ability to tell the world with a straight face that our democracy is something to emulate, it would be a grievous error to implement a policy that allowed the government to try, convict and possibly execute a terrorist suspect without having allowed the accused to even see the evidence being presented against them. The talking head asked him this and in response Graham said something to the effect of, “the United States will do fine if Lindsey Graham is no longer a senator, but if we begin convicting people of crimes without providing them the evidence being used to make the case, we’ll be a worse off in the end…imagine if Iran or North Korea captured one of ours, tried, convicted and executed them without having provided an opportunity to see and dispute the evidence against them, Americans wouldn’t stand for it…so whether or not I’m reelected isn’t relevant on the level of this point in our history and what we decide to do at this point in regards to these detainees.” I paraphrased there, but that was the crux of it, and it gave me a great feeling to hear him say it. Read the rest of this entry
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 2:05 PM GMT+4
13 Comments »
In an idiotic war you need an equally idiotic populace who will put up with conscription or be fighting an opponent with a less idiotic populace than your own in order to win. In a fight as deranged as this one, with most of our military in Iraq and Osama in Pakistan where there’s not a single US troop on the ground…you need a populace that’s dizzy enough to stand for it in the first place, but that doesn’t solve the problem of where you’re going to get enough idiots to hop into the meat grinder voluntarily…especially now that football has started.
Read the rest of this entry
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 11:40 PM GMT+4
17 Comments »
I think there are two clear paths ahead. This nation can listen to the dictates of fear and hubris as the administration alternately ignores Al Qaeda and then trumpets their success. Alternately brags about success in Iraq and then ignores it, and all the while beats the tom-toms for war with Iran.
Yes, our country could slide that way if we listen to the dictates of fear. But we have nothing to fear in this country. We’re still the greatest power in the world. And we can be the greatest force of good in the world. And we can keep ourselves safe.
I’d like us to resolve on this 5th Anniversary of 9/11, that we as Americans no longer need live in fear. We should live in determination that we’ll protect ourselves. Support our friends and allies around the world. Work together to solve the common problems that face mankind. And above all, we’ll make sure that at home that we never sacrifice the liberties and rights that define our country. Even in an effort to protect ourselves.
We can have it all. We can do it all.
We just have to be courageous and face the facts as they are and work for the future as we want it to be. (PODCAST)
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 9:56 PM GMT+4
4 Comments »
When I remember 9/11, the images that haunt me are those of the people jumping to their deaths, and the many times afterwards when Osama would show up on my TV screen. To this day there aren’t any people jumping off of tall buildings one after the other, but Osama’s face has been a mainstay, along with the knowledge that his heart is still beating. I don’t want to let politics get in the way here, so what I’ve done is cut and paste segments of print from a series of world-wide sources concerning the location of Osama today in Pakistan, and the latest news on our combined efforts to catch him. I think we can all agree that taking care of this guy should be a priority, no?
HUNDREDS of Pakistani troops are reportedly withdrawing from the crucial war on terror battleground of North Waziristan – the lair of Osama bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahiri – amid heightening concern about the likely impact of what is described as a “Faustian agreement” reached between Islamabad and Taliban militants. (The Australian – Pakistanis give up on lair of Osama)
Under the terms of the deal, Pakistani forces will not only withdraw from the region, but also return arms seized from militants, pay reparations, and have no say in militants coming and going from the area into Afghanistan. (The Times of India – Bush backs Pak-Taliban deal)
Read the rest of this entry
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 2:53 PM GMT+4
No Comments »
Since I disagreed with that idiot running the Rolling Barrage, Paul bounced. His #1 thing was Clemson football, and after last year he told me to watch out because Clemson was bringing back all their starters on offense. Now…BC held them to 10 points and beat them IN DEATH VALLEY…something Florida State could not do when it counted at the end of last season. BC gets no love in the rankings early, Clemson is given #18 leading into the rematch, this time in Boston. Goodbye BCS Paul – SOUTH AIN’T SHIT!
Ronnie Van Zant sucks! General Lee suckED!
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 9:22 PM GMT+4
5 Comments »
Forget about WMDs being found in Iraq and the rabble over that farse a couple weeks ago, as now we have a document signed by Republicans and Democrats stating that everything Bush, Cheney and their minions pushed as ‘evidence’ of collaboration between Saddam and alQuida was 100% bullshit. Here are the actual documents:
Postwar findings about WMDs and Iraq’s links to terrorism and how they compare to prewar statements
The use by the intelligence community of information provided by the Iraqi National Congress
One member of the Iraqi National Congress I’ve been reading up on lately is Bayan Jabr. Follow the story of how he came into power after the invasion, and what happeend after that. Torture, mass graves, corruption (like the USA purchasing heavy equipment, Jabr’s millitia dismantling it and selling it for scrap in Turkey)…billions stolen…he was one of the “good guys” in the eyes of the White House. HARPERS (where I read of his deeds)
The Iraqi National Congress looked at Bush and figured it was a perfect opportunity for a stick-up.
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 4:42 PM GMT+4
4 Comments »
Ted Stevens has to rescue a dizzy, confused George Allen, as he stammers like a kid giving a book report in front of the class, a book he never read a page of, seemingly hadn’t changed at all, but for one word out of the entire thing, ’shall’ – to ‘will’…Allen presents it as a ‘better’ version of the one Kennedy and Levin offered before. Sharp minds must be required for senators, so at least when they’re bullshiting without a hint of shame, it seems like it makes sense. That’s the difference between the two houses of congress, Smarts are required, most times you have to know how to run an operation that prevents you from looking like a jackass as often as possible. The funniest thing about this is that even Stevens looks good at this point…if he’s standing next to George Allen – (VIDEO)
Rep. John Murtha – “The burden of the Iraq War has fallen squarely on our all-volunteer military and their families. They have performed remarkably well, particularly in light of the unclear and ever-changing mission dictated to them by Pentagon civilians of the Bush Administration. But they are overstretched and overextended. They deserve fresh reinforcements so that they can return home to rebuild their units, their psyche and their family and community relationships. While the Administration stresses that we are a country at war, they refuse to spread the burden proportionately. Instead, they pursue tax incentives for the rich, run up our federal deficit, and spend astronomical sums in Iraq with little or no control over wasteful and fraudulent spending. This is not the picture of a country at war. Consider the following:
The current war in Iraq has lasted longer than the Korean War, World War I and World War II in Europe. This war is the first protracted conflict in modern times in which our nation has not utilized a draft for additional support. If the President is genuinely serious in his comparison with communism and fascism, perhaps he should reconsider a call to reinstate the draft. The selective service provided:
2.8 million U.S. Servicemen in WWI,10 million U.S. Servicemen in WWII, 1.5 million U.S. Servicemen in the Korean War, and 1.8 million U.S. Servicemen during the Vietnam Conflict The facts are that in 1950, the United States had about 1.5 million active duty personnel under arms and by 1952 they surged to 3.6 million. In Vietnam the U.S. had 2.7 million in 1964 and by 1968 we had over 3.5 million. In 2006, the overall active end-strength of our nation’s military was 1,367,500. The President’s 2007 budget request reduces that end-strength to 1,332,300. This means that there is projected to be 35,200 fewer troops on our nation’s active duty rolls this year as compared to last year. We cannot sustain the President’s open-ended, vague and bankrupting war policies indefinitely. He should try less rhetoric and more action. If we are to fight this war with the same sense of dedication and vigor as we did prior wars, we cannot do it without a surge in force.” (Entire Statement)
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 12:37 AM GMT+4
14 Comments »
Read the rest of this entry
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 3:20 PM GMT+4
7 Comments »
Time to bring the ‘Army of One’ collage back…they’ll pick and choose a few to sacrifice to Allah for attrocities or whatever you want to call it. Forget about ’shake and bake’ assaults, cluster bombs and torture…the United States government thinks these four are the worst, because of all the terrible things they did to the Iraqi people. Who knows? If the Iraqis don’t come around soon, maybe we’ll offer up a few more bodies to Allah before this is all over. Whatever gets that pipeline pumping sooner rather than later, right?
Bonus(below the fold)-Frank Rich: Donald Rumsfeld’s Dance With the Nazis Read the rest of this entry
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 1:32 AM GMT+4
4 Comments »
The right blames the mayor and governor for the condition of the city today. Neither official has the tax revenue to rebuild without federal money. Federal money is authorized, though not handed over directly, but given to corporations who subcontract and subcontract and subcontract, hire illegal aliens and do a poor job. Still, the mayor and governor don’t have the money to fix what’s wrong. You can’t squeeze blood from a rock! My impression is that Republicans are indifferent to things like:
- Garbage covering neighborhoods
- Electricity not available for residents to purchase
- Criminals released because judges and lawyers aren’t available to try cases
Without money, equipment and people, how is local government supposed to fix these problems? By Republican logic, if the mayor and governor were both replaced tomorrow, the new officials would be able to fix all this without a budget. Totally illogical, but with the GOP of today, logic is to be avoided at all costs.
As for the residents themselves, why aren’t homeowners who owned an insurance policy with ‘hurricane coverage’ receiving their checks? The ‘free market’ is saying that they have to go to court for a few years before they get anything. The federal government isn’t saying a word about it. So, in America today if you:
- Purchase a home
- Purchase a homeowner insurance policy with ‘HURRICANE COVERAGE’
- Pay your premiums on time for a number of years
- The house is destroyed by a HURRICANE
You’re screwed, because the insurance company will fight to be able to keep all the money you paid without having to pay for your house. The government (a Republican-run government that is) will not go to bat for you, will not use the bully pulpit to assist you, and will not take care of you in the meantime. “You should have known better than to live in this country in the first place – it’s your fault you’re in the situation you’re in. You could have lived in Canada, but foolishly remained a citizen of this country. If you wanted an insurance policy to pay out as the contract said it would, you were dumb to assume it would happen here.”
WELCOME TO AMERICA! Now it’s time for me to burn a flag in honor of all this.
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 8:35 PM GMT+4
10 Comments »
I didn’t think much of the ‘can a woman read the news’ rabble when it was loud, as the skill set is one that she has in tow…I mean, if she can make the nonsense everywhere at the Today Show look interesting, then substance should only enhance her game. It’s a non-issue if Matt Lauer were chosen instead of her, which tells me that America is still in a sorry state when it comes to this carrot on a stick game, network television, a series of channels that don’t matter to me at all unless sports show up on a given day. Regardless of how she does, I’ll never catch a minute of it, but the larger issue here is how they’ve created a frenzy over her new job, and now up the ante with this “touch up”…the network REALLY wants us buzzing about whether she’s good enough, so here’s something that should piss off every woman in America, sure to be discussed on The View and those E! shows…
Is the network hoping to bring in more women viewers by messing with Couric? Is the goal to piss them off enough to make sure they’re tuning in out of spite? I think so. The whole thing is overdone for the sake of ratings, and what they did in this picture is an example of what kind of country we are today. Whether to make her more easy on the eyes or to stir up chatter, going this route is in bad taste, and should convince women to never watch the channel ever again.
Katie will be fine…she’s got plenty of $$ – I just hope America doesn’t reward these scumbag execs by tuning in out of spite. Just turn the damned thing off and read the paper! There’s nothing any of us can do besides that…because until then, women will continue to be turned from people to commodities by these network whores…and they’ll get away with insisting that this woman look more like Paris Hilton, when it shouldn’t even matter in the first place.
Posted by Al Swearengen as Words at 5:33 PM GMT+4
6 Comments »
