Fascingating story. Were your superiors ever reprimanded Ah, never mind; I think I know the answer to that one.

–Ron

http://revolttoday.blogspot.com/

It’s a dirty little secret that numbers on a spreadsheet, specifically the +1 count you represent as a soldier, is all you really are to the brass. I delivered our readiness report to division each month, and we weren’t on the edge of becoming anything lower in terms of our readiness rating…counting all the soldiers on profile or otherwise “broke” in 2/2 IN at the time, there was a healthy cushion of at least 25 if memory serves me.

That the mission was postponed and Army forces ended up deploying 7 months later as part of a peace keeping force rather than in a war fighting posture, my only guess is that the brass simply wanted to make sure that if the mission was postponed, that they lose their chance to pick up those ribbons and OERs once it was time to go.

I lost all faith in the institution when this went down. As much as you grow accustomed to dog-shit status in general, it’s on another level entirely when they turn their back on you like that. As a soldier you take pride in being able to know for certain that whatever vulnerability you’re carrying along with, can be overcome with hard work, discipline and above all else – pride. I’ve seen plenty of soldiers who scraped pride along the way, or thought they did, seemingly intent on believing that life is suffering, and they were used to it…so fuck it.

I think that’s all bullshit, because even the twice divorced, not-all-there NCO with nothing good to say besides how many years are left to his 20, whether he knows it or not, still benefits from that pride, and it is that which makes the others possible. My take at least.

Anyways, when this went down I was honestly at the height of my brief Army career…well respected for my abilities by peers and higher-ups, with three soldiers reporting to me within the section. If we had to go somewhere and do something, I knew that everyone around me would be glad I was who I was and that it wasn’t someone else. All that changed though.

It sounds silly, but what it really came down to was being able to lift things. As you well know Hal, when you’re in the field, it’s about working hard, digging, hauling, setting things up, taking them down, etc. Out in Hohenfelds I’d get into the frame of mind at times where I’d think of myself as Lennie from ‘Of Mice and Men’…6′1″, strong as a mule, and able to get shit done.

Removing that aspect of my game just made me as good as what was in my head, and that’s only part (a big part, but still just ‘a’ part) of what makes a soldier. All those years of getting good at it, and when we’re about to do it for real, I’m broke.

Disillusioned isn’t the right word for it. Crazy is more appropriate now that I’ve got a house and children…no way in hell I’d ever agree to go fight a war. When you’re young though, the idea of doing just that doesn’t seem so crazy. That said…going off to fight a war with 4 broken ribs, or a missing rib while on chemo…that’s crazy 100% of the time.

Which always brings me back to the +1 count on a spreadsheet, and how in the end, that’s all you really are. Talk about a mindfuck!

Lots of stuff like this happened to in 3/5 Cav near Kirch Gons in late 94-early 95 when we were getting ready to go to Macedonia. One of my troops had a large tumor on his rib, later found to be cancerous, and they tried to deploy him inspite of removing a rib and chemo.